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Lew's avatar

Celine,

I swear hearing this phrase makes me roll my eyes every time. Had my fair share of failed relationships and at one point, got really desperate to find love as fast as I could. Friends suggested dating apps, but that didn’t work. It always felt transactional. So many options, but I still couldn’t “find” the one I was looking for? I was both angry and confused at the same time. Maybe my standards were too high? Maybe I didn’t deserve love or was worthy of it? I really like the 80/20 rule you mentioned, and I’ve come to realize that yea, I’ll never meet someone who ticks all of the boxes.

Everyone has those traits that we might think are weird or a turn-off. But, maybe when you really love someone, you begin to admire those things. The courage to be imperfect to others. For me, it’s this belief that has helped me define my self-worth. I want to be the best version of myself. Both mentally and physically. For me. To love myself.

I think that shift in focus has helped me realize that I initially had it all wrong. I was looking to find love before. But when it came to myself, I didn’t find love. I built it. I built it through the constant construction of the very life I live now. I may not be where I want to be in life right now, but I’m proud of how much progress I’ve made. I love myself for that.

“You’ll meet your person when you least expect it” might have some truth to it. At least the very beginnings. You encounter this person based on chance or risk, but that’s just the spark. The real love comes from the decision to undertake the difficult construction of building that new life together. You build the love with someone, not find it when you meet them.

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